Hello! If this is your first visit to Lily Pond, welcome! At the Pond, you’ll find topics at the intersection of mental, emotional, relational and physical health; philosophy, psychology and spirituality; AND the immigrant experience.
I'm a midlife woman and a serial immigrant. I write about how my immigrant experiences and emotionally tumultuous childhood shaped my identity, how I lived through life-long narcissistic abuse, how I’m redefining my sense of self, and how I’ve been healing my emotional wounds after major life transitions.
As someone who didn’t grow up in the predominant culture and who’s part of a small minority of the population where I live (currently the United States), I often feel like “the odd one out.” But I believe there’s a lot more in common among us than what's on the surface.
Because of my experience living in different cultures, I have a broad perspective that allows me to remain curious and understanding of folks who come from different backgrounds, including those who identify with marginalized segments of the population.
With practice, I've become deeply in touch with my intuition and comfortable connecting with people on issues that may carry a lot of shame in society, such as the ones listed below (all of which are my personal experiences).
Lily Pond is a safe community for the cultural misfits, the marginalized, the highly sensitive, the immigrant and children of immigrants. The Pond mirrors your hidden cries, amplifies them, and gives you room to release those tears that have been held for too long in your chest.
Hop on a lily pad and talk to me about these issues:
Relating with people of different cultures, including intercultural marriages
The process of acculturation and the struggle with loneliness and finding a sense of belonging
Growing up in a dysfunctional family with a narcissistic parent (or parents)
Childhood sexual trauma
Narcissistic abuse in intimate relationships -- how to read red flags and how to rise from the ashes
Sexual betrayal, abuse and divorce
Caregiving for immigrant elderly parents (leukemia, diabetes and a broken knee) while handling cultural clashes
Menopause and female reproductive diseases
Depression, anxiety, being chronically gaslighted, and how to get on a healing path
My struggles have gifted me with insights and wisdom that a smoother and more privileged life wouldn't have brought, and I'm happy to share what I've learned with you.
On this healing journey, may the sadness in me greet the sadness in you with dignity and compassion. May you find glimpses of hope and inspiration even in the midst of despair when you read about my struggles and resilience.
I hope that through my personal experience, you will rekindle the fire in your belly to fuel your own journey of healing from past trauma and discovering your true self.
Most important of all, may we become our own alchemist in transforming our pain and suffering into the kind of deep joy that no one else can steal from us!
Take some time to browse the Lily Pond archive. If you like what you see, please consider subscribing to this newsletter. A subscription will allow you to:
feel heard and seen for your unexpressed mental and emotional struggles;
participate in meaningful discussions on how our relational and cultural ecosystem affect our well-being;
get recommendations on books, films, songs, TV, creative works, and mental health resources; and
and get inspired to go on your own healing journey.
All subscribers will get:
access to some of my current and all the public posts (up to 6 months old) in your inbox, on the Substack app or on my Substack site. Newsletters are generally published once a week.
Paid subscribers will be able to:
read all of my current and archived posts;
join community events such as Chats, Q&As and Virtual Tea Time with me;
send me direct massages (DM) on the Substack app; and
have access to guest interviews/podcasts (TBD).
I enjoy the friendships forged in this community of “Ponders” — folks who love pondering about life, and hope that you will stay around, make some friends, and invite others to hop on a lily pad, too!
Currently I don’t have a lot of paid subscribers (fewere than 10), but I’m extremely grateful to every single one of them for their support, vote of confidence and heartfelt messages sent to me in private. Here’s a gift from one of my paid subscribers,
, a talented artist who gave me this illustration in one of my darkest moments. THANK YOU!If you’re moved to support my writing and sharing on Lily Pond, please upgrade to a paid subscription here:
Disclaimer:
I’m not a medical or mental health professional. My views and insights are based on personal experience and literature I have studied, and should not be interpreted as or replace medical advice.
More about me:
My family and I moved from mainland China to Hong Kong and the United States during my childhood. I later also migrated to Sweden for a few years.
Mental illness has always been present in my own personal experience and among family and friends. Although I didn’t have words for it during most of my life, I’ve been seeking ways to heal myself for a long time.
As a first-generation Chinese American, my world straddles two very different cultures. I often find myself an outsider looking in, seeing conflicting parts of our cultural conditionings with an inquisitive mind.
My goal is to break the vicious cycle of intergenerational and intercultural trauma and family dysfunction specific to Chinese immigrants living in the West. Through reparenting and reconstructing my relationship with myself and the world, I aim to live a life true to myself despite all that I went through.
Thanks to my migration experiences, I can speak multiple languages — English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Swedish, and French. When I become really really old, the only language (dialect, to be precise) that I’d probably be able to remember is Hangzhouese!
I’ve worked as a reporter and editor for nearly 30 years, covering a wide range of topics from politics to management, industry, trade and commerce, to health and chronic conditions. I have also done a lot of “odd” jobs that won’t fit me into a linear career path — background actor, hospitality agent, personal chef, health coach, Cantonese-English medical interpreter, etc. Today, I’m focused on helping myself and others (especially those of you from the Asian diasporas) make sense of our common — often silent — suffering, to grow emotionally and to make progress in personal healing.
I love art in all forms, especially painting, photography, and ballet.
I’m a super late bloomer, but my motto is: “It’s never too late!”
At 36, I started to learn ballet — a dream that was thwarted when I was young, and kept at it for over a dozen years until the pandemic hit. I plan to start again.
At 52, I decided to learn how to swim and play the piano from scratch. Those were skills I always wanted to acquire but didn’t have the privilege to learn as a child.
As I’ve passed the midpoint of my life, I’m trying to embrace getting a little older and wiser every day. Will you join me on this journey?
Now, it’s your turn! I’d love to know a bit more about you. Please introduce yourself in the comment section below, and feel free to mingle with other Ponders who have left comments.
Great to have you here!
I am going to be hopping around your lily pad quite a bit! This really speaks to my own inner growth journey, even though our backgrounds are very different. Eager to read more of your musings!
Hi Louisa! I found your stack through the Writers Hour comments - I’m fairly new to Substack with no preexisting following to rely on :) Wishing you growth in your connections here, and I hope you’ll also visit me at Moments, where I share photography and stories about moments of connection in nature and everyday life :)