Yea, Barb, it was just really bad timing, me coming out of an abusive relationship, juxtaposed with anticipatory marital bliss. It wouldn't have been so hard if it wasn't for the timing. Thanks for your empathy!
Thank you, Louisa. There are several threads I'm pondering on now...sign of some excellent questions and thought provoking insights!!
I was lucky to have several good role models, mentors and managers early in my career, who had an important impact on the type of leader I wanted to be at work. So I like to think that the culture I encouraged was more about team dynamics, cohesion and healthy debate - over sheep nodding toxic positivity. I know that building cohesion on a human level within teams makes a business stronger, not weaker. sorry to overuse my tagline... but Empathy and inspiration go hand in hand as a leader or support for others.
These days, as someone who is unable to stick to plans, given the unpredictability of each day/beholden to when appointments are scheduled virtual communities/communication with all my contacts (clients, friends, Substack) are essential *lifelines* - LINES of giving and receiving rather than containers could weave together for a stronger community.
This is really inspiring, Victoria. Thank you so much for sharing your leadership experience, fostering a culture that inspires empathy! The phrase "sheep nodding toxic positivity" makes me laugh! Yes, cringe cringe! Yet since I'm not in any leadership position, sometimes I have to play along. Thank goodness it's not too toxic... and most of the time our company tries to do its best in being more human-oriented.
You're adapting your current schedule using LINES instead of containers -- it sounds like you're weaving the fabric of your community one thread at a time. It takes a lot of tenacity to do that, and I often marvel at people who are good social "threaders." I'm so glad for you that you are able to maintain your lifelines of support! xo
there were a couple of threads that came back and slapped me like a bungee cord, but that's because I went waay too far, that Leap of faith wasn't good ;-)
I've thought a lot about this as I've seen how different the way my husband's family (who are Mexican American) and my family (white Scandi-American) deal with death and grief, and just the ups and downs of life. He grew up in a family where people just show up and gather and others' houses unannounced, everyone knows everyone else's business, and you're always going through life together with those in your family. You get through and get over the hard stuff together. When my father-in-law died, it wasn't just the funeral. There was a day for viewing, a mass, a wake, and then nine days of praying the rosary. Even if you're not into the religious part of it, it meant people showing up to grieve alongside one another and support those most impacted. Very different than my experiences. I've often felt like we need an alternative to religion around which to organize traditions and community. Thank you Louisa for sharing your story and important insights!
Anna, thank you so much for sharing your observations and experience of how people show up for one another in grief and in other moments of life, big or small, in the Mexican culture. I live in a predominantly Hispanic community and have Mexican neighbors. I can see how tightly knit the family is with the extended branches, and how they love impromptu visits. What you described added another layer of understanding for me, from your insider's perspective. Scandi-American culture is, I imagine, very independent-minded and less interdependent? I was married to a Swede and lived in Sweden for many years, so I can really see how different the Scandinavians are compared with those from more collectivist cultures.
I love your suggestion of looking into an alternative to religion for organizing communities of healing. Let's keep discussing and spreading awareness, and maybe we can come up with some meaningful experiments together.
I found this to be a great article and all of your points landed sharply here. Like you I resent being forced to celebrate when I don't feel up to faking a smile. I am always secretly happy for anyone's milestones, and acknowledge what are my own uncomfortable feelings. I also do not consider my coworkers to be family and I'm okay with that. I have forged strong friendships outside of the workplace with many coworkers, just don't agree with the current corporate "family atmosphere" mentality. There is such a thing as toxic positivity.
Hi Nurse Kristin, thank you so much for joining the conversation and sharing your honest take on today's corporate culture as well as the yucky after taste of toxic positivity. Glad that there are many points of resonance in this article for you! Like you, I am both secretly happy for other's milestones but I can't ignore -- and therefore must acknowledge -- my own sense of unease. Perhaps, in the big gap between how I feel and the bliss that another person lives in, lies my deepest yearning for being seen, heard and embraced, despite being in a mental state that can be a "kill joy"!
Thank you, Amy! I'm conceiving a sort of virtual "crying room" for folks to gather... of course, not just to cry but to sip tea and share what's heavy on our hearts, and if tears come, the Lily Pond can hold them safely.
I don’t have any ideas, but I’m sorry you had to go through that shower, especially at work where you’re “obligated” to attend.
Yea, Barb, it was just really bad timing, me coming out of an abusive relationship, juxtaposed with anticipatory marital bliss. It wouldn't have been so hard if it wasn't for the timing. Thanks for your empathy!
Thank you, Louisa. There are several threads I'm pondering on now...sign of some excellent questions and thought provoking insights!!
I was lucky to have several good role models, mentors and managers early in my career, who had an important impact on the type of leader I wanted to be at work. So I like to think that the culture I encouraged was more about team dynamics, cohesion and healthy debate - over sheep nodding toxic positivity. I know that building cohesion on a human level within teams makes a business stronger, not weaker. sorry to overuse my tagline... but Empathy and inspiration go hand in hand as a leader or support for others.
These days, as someone who is unable to stick to plans, given the unpredictability of each day/beholden to when appointments are scheduled virtual communities/communication with all my contacts (clients, friends, Substack) are essential *lifelines* - LINES of giving and receiving rather than containers could weave together for a stronger community.
This is really inspiring, Victoria. Thank you so much for sharing your leadership experience, fostering a culture that inspires empathy! The phrase "sheep nodding toxic positivity" makes me laugh! Yes, cringe cringe! Yet since I'm not in any leadership position, sometimes I have to play along. Thank goodness it's not too toxic... and most of the time our company tries to do its best in being more human-oriented.
You're adapting your current schedule using LINES instead of containers -- it sounds like you're weaving the fabric of your community one thread at a time. It takes a lot of tenacity to do that, and I often marvel at people who are good social "threaders." I'm so glad for you that you are able to maintain your lifelines of support! xo
Thanks hon. Ohh yes totally, understanding politics, dynamics as a contributor is tough. It's good to hear that your company is more 'human oriented'.
I saw a couple of sheep nodding boards - shockingly noddy ...cultures of fear do NOT bode well!
Yes, I've strong threads, geographically long, but quality-strong. oh good bumper sticker! ;-)
"Geographically long but quality-strong"! Love that!!!
there were a couple of threads that came back and slapped me like a bungee cord, but that's because I went waay too far, that Leap of faith wasn't good ;-)
I've thought a lot about this as I've seen how different the way my husband's family (who are Mexican American) and my family (white Scandi-American) deal with death and grief, and just the ups and downs of life. He grew up in a family where people just show up and gather and others' houses unannounced, everyone knows everyone else's business, and you're always going through life together with those in your family. You get through and get over the hard stuff together. When my father-in-law died, it wasn't just the funeral. There was a day for viewing, a mass, a wake, and then nine days of praying the rosary. Even if you're not into the religious part of it, it meant people showing up to grieve alongside one another and support those most impacted. Very different than my experiences. I've often felt like we need an alternative to religion around which to organize traditions and community. Thank you Louisa for sharing your story and important insights!
Anna, thank you so much for sharing your observations and experience of how people show up for one another in grief and in other moments of life, big or small, in the Mexican culture. I live in a predominantly Hispanic community and have Mexican neighbors. I can see how tightly knit the family is with the extended branches, and how they love impromptu visits. What you described added another layer of understanding for me, from your insider's perspective. Scandi-American culture is, I imagine, very independent-minded and less interdependent? I was married to a Swede and lived in Sweden for many years, so I can really see how different the Scandinavians are compared with those from more collectivist cultures.
I love your suggestion of looking into an alternative to religion for organizing communities of healing. Let's keep discussing and spreading awareness, and maybe we can come up with some meaningful experiments together.
Hi Lily's Pond,
I found this to be a great article and all of your points landed sharply here. Like you I resent being forced to celebrate when I don't feel up to faking a smile. I am always secretly happy for anyone's milestones, and acknowledge what are my own uncomfortable feelings. I also do not consider my coworkers to be family and I'm okay with that. I have forged strong friendships outside of the workplace with many coworkers, just don't agree with the current corporate "family atmosphere" mentality. There is such a thing as toxic positivity.
So lots of love to you. XOXO
Hi Nurse Kristin, thank you so much for joining the conversation and sharing your honest take on today's corporate culture as well as the yucky after taste of toxic positivity. Glad that there are many points of resonance in this article for you! Like you, I am both secretly happy for other's milestones but I can't ignore -- and therefore must acknowledge -- my own sense of unease. Perhaps, in the big gap between how I feel and the bliss that another person lives in, lies my deepest yearning for being seen, heard and embraced, despite being in a mental state that can be a "kill joy"!
Glad to see this essay republished! Such important and well-researched information.
Thank you, Amy! I'm conceiving a sort of virtual "crying room" for folks to gather... of course, not just to cry but to sip tea and share what's heavy on our hearts, and if tears come, the Lily Pond can hold them safely.