Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry Asian women have endured this stereotype you speak of, it is awful. I hope many white men and women read this and stand up for sexist comments about Asian women, and any woman portrayed as a sex object. The cultures of Asian people is beautiful from what little I know. I don’t understand why some men are pigs. Absolute pigs. God knows the truth in all things, many men need to learn this and much more. Mothers and fathers out there need to teach their boys, and girls, that girls and women are to be respected. Period. No matter what part of the world a woman is from. Thank you for this educational writing piece. My prayer today is for healing for Asian women and all women who have experienced this type of disrespect in America or in our world. Stereotypes of all kinds are harmful to the human race.
Thank you for your compassion and for being an ally. I think you nailed it re: educating our youth about respect for individuals. To change how we view others as a whole person and not as “them/other” requires a great deal of effort and cultural shifts. starting from the home, learning how to communicate with empathy, etc. The biggest obstacle is the dominant culture. I don’t know what it would take to change the sexist messaging in popular culture, but I am elated about more and more women speaking up against patriarchal oppression and the subtle and non-subtle ways we women suffer from it. Now I think it’s time for Asian women to speak up as well, as we are placed at the lowest of the low on the patriarchal hierarchy and there is a huge ladder to climb for rightful existence and respect.
Louisa, this was brave and smart and wise and unflinching in the face of your own pain and betrayal and a great service to Asian women who will identify with your experience and also to white women like myself who wish to understand better the racism and sexism and fetischism you face so as to offer greater support and empathy to our Asian sisters. Thank you for educating us on the history of this prejudice and fetishism of Asian women in America (as horrifying as it is). Bringing this warped view of Asian women out of the dark and into the light is our only chance to defeat it.
Thank you for being my steadfast ally, dear @Amy Brown ! I’m really grateful that white women like you are helping to lift us up. I see this as a kind of sisterhood that I can’t welcome enough. I know that as women, you and I both share many of the same aspects of the mysogynistic culture that we live in. Here, I am, like you said, shining the light on the specific plights of Asian women in this country (and also in Westernized countries around the world). For most of us, we are at the bottom rung of the social ladder, unseen and unheard, except when it’s time to exploit our body and our service. It’s about time to make real and lasting changes. I hope that by sharing my painful personal story, I encourage my fellow sisters to step up and speak up as well.
Louisa, Thanks for this bracing and honest essay. I think it is particularly important now to combat the stereotypes and racism you call out.
China and America are geopolitical rivals. I fear that our politicians will use fear of China as a country to make things worse for Americans who happen to be of Chinese descent.
David, thank you for your support on my effort to combat stereotypes and racism directed at people like me. It is extremely sad and infuriating that citizens suffer when national leaders can't make peace and resort to dehumanizing tactics. The Chinese population in this country already suffered during waves of Asian hate during COVID, and I fear things will get bad again with the political development you mentioned.
It is very, very hard to change the human nature of "othering" people who aren't like us. It is the animal part of us that does that for survival. But if civilization is to survive and thrive, we must use our pre-frontal cortex and our voice to promote understanding so people can make the choice for peace and empathy rather than violence and abuse.
I’ve watched this first hand with a friend. To be seen as a commodity. So thankful she broke free of the abuse and is building her own life-free to be her entire self. After two white American husbands, she no longer trusts their intentions.
You write beautifully. Thank you for sharing as you do. It’s our only way to begin to understand what others go thru.
Thank you, Grace, for your uplifting comment. I’m very glad to hear that your friend broke free from the abuse she suffered. I also have had two white partners — one European and one American. Both have fetishism for Asian women. The reason why it was so hard to break free was manyfold, not the lease due to their covert narcissisic manipulation. Anyone who has been in marriages like that, e.g. a trad wife, or in cults, would agree. I appreciate your witnessing and support, as always.
To even begin to understand what our Asian sisters go through is an understatement. But you have described an issue that is inhumane, heartless and so deeply disturbing.
Is it any wonder how any man worth his weight as a human being would dare treat a woman like this. Why.
As women, we must look close at any man showing even the least bit of disrespect, whether in a passing comment, a joke, or in any other manner before continuing the friendship.
I felt deeply hurt disappointed disgusted. There is no doubt you write beautifully and succinctly. There is no doubt you can reach the heart with pen and paper and Share this story that’s so many must become aware of.
Stand strong. Don’t ever back down. I encourage all women to take a course in self defense and learn a few moves that could save your life. Any martial arts school would work or google self-defense courses in your area.
I am so very sorry you are so many other women suffer and carry this burden.
I pray with all my heart for your healing and the healing of all women and
That as women, we can recognize even the smallest red flag of a troubled mind and not ignore it in any relationship.
Please continue to write to educate and inform, to make all aware of this issue that remains in the dark until strong women like yourself write in big letters, the truth behind something that should’ve never occurred in the first place. 🙏🏼
@Denise Piepoli Many, many thanks for your kind and compassionate comment! It’s making me tear up. I appreciate the prayers you said for your Asian sisters and all women alike. I find that trusting our female instinct when we notice red flags, including even the tiniest gesture of disrespect, is of paramount importance. Growing up in my repressive culture, I had gotten into the habit of constantly pushing my inner voice aside to make space for what was told to me by the elders, particularly males. So yes, besides learning self defense and getting strong, I think we also need to train our mental and emotional muscles and learn to trust our wise instincts.
Thank you for taking the time to read and learn about this issue, Sodaksteve. It is so hard to walk out and just be myself without the fear of being a victim of objectifcation or abuse. And the saddest thing is that so many other women also suffer from the same psychological oppression.
Yes, all the feelings from the many incidents of abuse and trauma affect many of us throughout our lives. But your openness and vulnerability as you describe what has happened (and is happening) can be a balm and perhaps even begin to inoculate us. As a society we are ill and so as a society we must heal together… we can’t simply accept it and throw our hands up. It’s all complicated and intricately colors our lives, but by writing, and sharing, and hearing we can strengthen ourselves and our children against perpetrators.
"As a society we are ill and so as a society we must heal together… we can’t simply accept it and throw our hands up. " So beautifully said! Yes, raising awareness, starting from ourselves and then educating the next generation is the best way to stop the abuse from becoming generational trauma. I don't have children myself, but I hope my writing can inspire parents to strengthen and protect their children, especially daughters, in a way that allows them to grow and trust their inner wisdom and instinct, and discerning enough to detect red flags and draw proper boundaries.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry about your ex! That is horrible. And the incident at the park… I’m so sorry. I’m glad you were able to leave your ex and share your story- I hope it brings some healing and support ❤️
Thank you, @Alice Chen. None of this came easy, and healing will take an awfully long time, especially when it comes to my trust in people in general, and trust in men in particular. I appreciate your support.
Hi @Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD Thank you for your comment and for being angry on my behalf! We need more female righteous anger on this planet! Yes, indeed, all of this is unfair and disgusting. If I go into the nitty gritty of the power play and abuse I mention in the article, it would make everyone vomit. I’ve actually come across an article on this subject a while ago, and I couldn’t sit through with it as what it describes is utterly dispicable and disgusting.
I am so glad I found this story of yours. It is painful, horrendous, awful.
I’m sorry that your x is a dick head.
You deserve so much better than that.
I knew something was going on when we were in our little group.
I’m glad you found the courage to write about it and receive support from so many people here in the comments.
I hope you feel less alone and that your healing is supported continuously and that you take extra good care of yourself.
I have many things I could say about this as I trained to be missionary in the early 80s and my first posting was to go Asia and tell the Americans to stop fucking the very young Asian women who were worked to the bone and continuously having children.
I would’ve been the only female missionary. I wouldn’t have been able to handle myself or feel safe.
There is more as over the past 27 years my daughter Libby has needed extensive support, we’ve had a few different Asian women be part of our family.
Overtime they shared some things with me.
I know what you are saying is 100% true. It makes me angry.
I remember one woman who always wore this big hat and coat, no matter what the weather was, to cover her body. She was very afraid, but she preferred here then back home.
Prajna, dear Salty Cron! I so appreciate your presence here. Thank you for all that you shared, and the validation of the truth that I told. It was abuse to the highest degree, to have my sexual and psychologial safety and agency taken away by plots and actions that went behind my back, all the while when I trusted him to be my closest ally. It took a lot out of me to write about such hurt and pain with honesty, yet it feels liberating and energizing to be able to tell my truth, and be a voice for so many who experience the same kind of prejudice and abuse.
I feel so much sadness and anger about the experience of the Asian women you came into contact with over the years. I am hoping to develop a voice for the unspoken suffering among so many. Thanks so much for your kind support and encouragement.
Thank you so much for writing about your experience. I knew a bit about the cultural dynamics you described, but your descriptions and explanations paint a much more vivid picture. Us white people have a lot of work to do to unlearn the cultural narrative we've been taught: that we are superior and everyone else (especially women/AFAB) is here for us to use as we wish. We've come a long way with that, on both the gender/sex and racial fronts, but not nearly far enough. I am glad on your behalf that you feel empowered to speak out, and sad on your behalf that you have to. Unfortunately, the work that should be done by white people and/or men to change this horribly oppressive dynamic will inevitably be left to targets of this violence rather than its perpetrators. Fortunately, there are increasing numbers of us on the privileged side of things who will listen to stories like yours, take them to heart, and commit to putting forth the effort it takes to change our awareness, and thus, our behavior. I hope that enough of us do that so that eventually, the burden of making change doesn't fall do squarely on you. You deserve better.
@LC Sharkey Thank you so much for your kind and uplifting comment. It gives me hope, to know that there are people like you who listen, learn and step up to be an ally. I’m very encouraged that the younger generation is no longer content about the status quote and no longer sucking it up pretending all’s normal. I’m glad there are more conversations around taboo subjects that rattle the patriarchy. There is still a great deal of work, as you said, and sadly, change often arises from the pain and suffering of preceding generations. But I do believe we can create change and break the toxic cycle for a better tomorrow, as when we continue to tell the truth, we win!
The layers are deep. Your writing is so beautiful and illuminated the experience, I imagine, of countless Asian women. Your honesty and vulnerability touched my heart and opened my eyes a bit more to your lived experience.
Sister, I’m so glad you were strong enough to leave that relationship and do what’s been necessary to begin your healing journey.
Hi @Deb Blum Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m glad this essay offered you a glimpse of my visceral experience as an Asian women in America. Thank you for being happy for my decision to leave the relationship and begin healing… such painful and tough work. But as I mentioned in a previous essay, grief is a fermentation process, and I’m turning into kimchi :-D
So sorry for the inhumane traumatic experiences you have faced within society. Thank you for sharing the historical context of white sexual imperialism. You are a force to be reckoned with, your ancestors applaud you for giving voice to their suffering🌺
@Sharon Archer Your comment touched me deeply in a most surprising way. It was surprising because I didn’t realize that by speaking up, I was also giving voice to my ancestors. Thank you for your compassion!
Thanks for this piece. As an Asian woman who also had a racist comment lobbed at her recently, this was helpful to read. You’ve framed your experience with a lot of context.
It’s so exhausting to have to explain to people why a seemingly “harmless” remark can be racist at its core 😡. It’s also so exhausting to live under the weight of historical exotification.
@Phayvanh Luekhamhan I’m so sorry to hear that you became the receiver of a racial slur recently. It is indeed exhausting to constantly feel like we have to explain our existence and prove our right to take up space and be treated as a normal human being just like everyone else. While Americans dream to be extraordinary or live an extraordinary life, my dream is to live an ordinary life in which I can just “blend in” and be treated like everyone else — equal. The historical abuse and biases are not helping our present-day existence, much the same way as other people of color carry the burden of the bloody and cruel history of white colonial domination on a land that wasn’t theirs to start with.
There is no room in any relationship, relationship or friendship that deals with any hint of negativity toward ones culture, genetics, or any part of who we are as people.
All blood runs red. If we don’t respect people as human beings, and it doesn’t mean agreeing with them or taking sides, how then can we have respect for ourselves.
Yes, such disrespect that you mentioned cannot be tolerated, yet it permeates our relationships and society. What you said made me think about how I had not fully stepped into self-respect. When I gave up my SELF and stopped listening to my inner voice and intuition, when I was frozen in moments of disrespect and gaslighting, I also allow others to step over me. So I've learned that I must start by respecting all aspects of myself. Then it would become easier to speak up and stop tolerating disrespect.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry Asian women have endured this stereotype you speak of, it is awful. I hope many white men and women read this and stand up for sexist comments about Asian women, and any woman portrayed as a sex object. The cultures of Asian people is beautiful from what little I know. I don’t understand why some men are pigs. Absolute pigs. God knows the truth in all things, many men need to learn this and much more. Mothers and fathers out there need to teach their boys, and girls, that girls and women are to be respected. Period. No matter what part of the world a woman is from. Thank you for this educational writing piece. My prayer today is for healing for Asian women and all women who have experienced this type of disrespect in America or in our world. Stereotypes of all kinds are harmful to the human race.
Thank you for your compassion and for being an ally. I think you nailed it re: educating our youth about respect for individuals. To change how we view others as a whole person and not as “them/other” requires a great deal of effort and cultural shifts. starting from the home, learning how to communicate with empathy, etc. The biggest obstacle is the dominant culture. I don’t know what it would take to change the sexist messaging in popular culture, but I am elated about more and more women speaking up against patriarchal oppression and the subtle and non-subtle ways we women suffer from it. Now I think it’s time for Asian women to speak up as well, as we are placed at the lowest of the low on the patriarchal hierarchy and there is a huge ladder to climb for rightful existence and respect.
You nailed it.
Thank you @Barb Natividad for taking the time to read this! Appreciate you!
Louisa, this was brave and smart and wise and unflinching in the face of your own pain and betrayal and a great service to Asian women who will identify with your experience and also to white women like myself who wish to understand better the racism and sexism and fetischism you face so as to offer greater support and empathy to our Asian sisters. Thank you for educating us on the history of this prejudice and fetishism of Asian women in America (as horrifying as it is). Bringing this warped view of Asian women out of the dark and into the light is our only chance to defeat it.
Thank you for being my steadfast ally, dear @Amy Brown ! I’m really grateful that white women like you are helping to lift us up. I see this as a kind of sisterhood that I can’t welcome enough. I know that as women, you and I both share many of the same aspects of the mysogynistic culture that we live in. Here, I am, like you said, shining the light on the specific plights of Asian women in this country (and also in Westernized countries around the world). For most of us, we are at the bottom rung of the social ladder, unseen and unheard, except when it’s time to exploit our body and our service. It’s about time to make real and lasting changes. I hope that by sharing my painful personal story, I encourage my fellow sisters to step up and speak up as well.
May you start a movement…or a revolution! Whatever it takes:-)
Louisa, Thanks for this bracing and honest essay. I think it is particularly important now to combat the stereotypes and racism you call out.
China and America are geopolitical rivals. I fear that our politicians will use fear of China as a country to make things worse for Americans who happen to be of Chinese descent.
David, thank you for your support on my effort to combat stereotypes and racism directed at people like me. It is extremely sad and infuriating that citizens suffer when national leaders can't make peace and resort to dehumanizing tactics. The Chinese population in this country already suffered during waves of Asian hate during COVID, and I fear things will get bad again with the political development you mentioned.
It is very, very hard to change the human nature of "othering" people who aren't like us. It is the animal part of us that does that for survival. But if civilization is to survive and thrive, we must use our pre-frontal cortex and our voice to promote understanding so people can make the choice for peace and empathy rather than violence and abuse.
I’ve watched this first hand with a friend. To be seen as a commodity. So thankful she broke free of the abuse and is building her own life-free to be her entire self. After two white American husbands, she no longer trusts their intentions.
You write beautifully. Thank you for sharing as you do. It’s our only way to begin to understand what others go thru.
Thank you, Grace, for your uplifting comment. I’m very glad to hear that your friend broke free from the abuse she suffered. I also have had two white partners — one European and one American. Both have fetishism for Asian women. The reason why it was so hard to break free was manyfold, not the lease due to their covert narcissisic manipulation. Anyone who has been in marriages like that, e.g. a trad wife, or in cults, would agree. I appreciate your witnessing and support, as always.
Oh, Louisa, what a nightmare.
Hi @Tara Penry , indeed, it was a nightmare in hell. So relieved that I’ve finally broken free from it.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
To even begin to understand what our Asian sisters go through is an understatement. But you have described an issue that is inhumane, heartless and so deeply disturbing.
Is it any wonder how any man worth his weight as a human being would dare treat a woman like this. Why.
As women, we must look close at any man showing even the least bit of disrespect, whether in a passing comment, a joke, or in any other manner before continuing the friendship.
I felt deeply hurt disappointed disgusted. There is no doubt you write beautifully and succinctly. There is no doubt you can reach the heart with pen and paper and Share this story that’s so many must become aware of.
Stand strong. Don’t ever back down. I encourage all women to take a course in self defense and learn a few moves that could save your life. Any martial arts school would work or google self-defense courses in your area.
I am so very sorry you are so many other women suffer and carry this burden.
I pray with all my heart for your healing and the healing of all women and
That as women, we can recognize even the smallest red flag of a troubled mind and not ignore it in any relationship.
Please continue to write to educate and inform, to make all aware of this issue that remains in the dark until strong women like yourself write in big letters, the truth behind something that should’ve never occurred in the first place. 🙏🏼
@Denise Piepoli Many, many thanks for your kind and compassionate comment! It’s making me tear up. I appreciate the prayers you said for your Asian sisters and all women alike. I find that trusting our female instinct when we notice red flags, including even the tiniest gesture of disrespect, is of paramount importance. Growing up in my repressive culture, I had gotten into the habit of constantly pushing my inner voice aside to make space for what was told to me by the elders, particularly males. So yes, besides learning self defense and getting strong, I think we also need to train our mental and emotional muscles and learn to trust our wise instincts.
Louisa, this is all so heartbreaking. I’m sorry our world is often such a ruthless, unkind place. Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Thank you for taking the time to read and learn about this issue, Sodaksteve. It is so hard to walk out and just be myself without the fear of being a victim of objectifcation or abuse. And the saddest thing is that so many other women also suffer from the same psychological oppression.
Yes, all the feelings from the many incidents of abuse and trauma affect many of us throughout our lives. But your openness and vulnerability as you describe what has happened (and is happening) can be a balm and perhaps even begin to inoculate us. As a society we are ill and so as a society we must heal together… we can’t simply accept it and throw our hands up. It’s all complicated and intricately colors our lives, but by writing, and sharing, and hearing we can strengthen ourselves and our children against perpetrators.
"As a society we are ill and so as a society we must heal together… we can’t simply accept it and throw our hands up. " So beautifully said! Yes, raising awareness, starting from ourselves and then educating the next generation is the best way to stop the abuse from becoming generational trauma. I don't have children myself, but I hope my writing can inspire parents to strengthen and protect their children, especially daughters, in a way that allows them to grow and trust their inner wisdom and instinct, and discerning enough to detect red flags and draw proper boundaries.
Have you read what Ally Hamilton has written here on Substack? Her writing, and yours and others provide for learning and healing.
No, I haven't. I will check out her writing! Thanks for the suggestion.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry about your ex! That is horrible. And the incident at the park… I’m so sorry. I’m glad you were able to leave your ex and share your story- I hope it brings some healing and support ❤️
Thank you, @Alice Chen. None of this came easy, and healing will take an awfully long time, especially when it comes to my trust in people in general, and trust in men in particular. I appreciate your support.
Yes, what you’ve been through is so hard! Be kind to yourself and take good care ❤️
Thank you, Alice!
I am so sorry for this racism and sexual harassment BS. It infuriates me that this is a female burden and targeted to Asian women. It’s disgusting.
Hi @Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD Thank you for your comment and for being angry on my behalf! We need more female righteous anger on this planet! Yes, indeed, all of this is unfair and disgusting. If I go into the nitty gritty of the power play and abuse I mention in the article, it would make everyone vomit. I’ve actually come across an article on this subject a while ago, and I couldn’t sit through with it as what it describes is utterly dispicable and disgusting.
Hello Louisa,
I am so glad I found this story of yours. It is painful, horrendous, awful.
I’m sorry that your x is a dick head.
You deserve so much better than that.
I knew something was going on when we were in our little group.
I’m glad you found the courage to write about it and receive support from so many people here in the comments.
I hope you feel less alone and that your healing is supported continuously and that you take extra good care of yourself.
I have many things I could say about this as I trained to be missionary in the early 80s and my first posting was to go Asia and tell the Americans to stop fucking the very young Asian women who were worked to the bone and continuously having children.
I would’ve been the only female missionary. I wouldn’t have been able to handle myself or feel safe.
There is more as over the past 27 years my daughter Libby has needed extensive support, we’ve had a few different Asian women be part of our family.
Overtime they shared some things with me.
I know what you are saying is 100% true. It makes me angry.
I remember one woman who always wore this big hat and coat, no matter what the weather was, to cover her body. She was very afraid, but she preferred here then back home.
Best wishes
💚🌹🩵
Prajna, dear Salty Cron! I so appreciate your presence here. Thank you for all that you shared, and the validation of the truth that I told. It was abuse to the highest degree, to have my sexual and psychologial safety and agency taken away by plots and actions that went behind my back, all the while when I trusted him to be my closest ally. It took a lot out of me to write about such hurt and pain with honesty, yet it feels liberating and energizing to be able to tell my truth, and be a voice for so many who experience the same kind of prejudice and abuse.
I feel so much sadness and anger about the experience of the Asian women you came into contact with over the years. I am hoping to develop a voice for the unspoken suffering among so many. Thanks so much for your kind support and encouragement.
Thank you so much for writing about your experience. I knew a bit about the cultural dynamics you described, but your descriptions and explanations paint a much more vivid picture. Us white people have a lot of work to do to unlearn the cultural narrative we've been taught: that we are superior and everyone else (especially women/AFAB) is here for us to use as we wish. We've come a long way with that, on both the gender/sex and racial fronts, but not nearly far enough. I am glad on your behalf that you feel empowered to speak out, and sad on your behalf that you have to. Unfortunately, the work that should be done by white people and/or men to change this horribly oppressive dynamic will inevitably be left to targets of this violence rather than its perpetrators. Fortunately, there are increasing numbers of us on the privileged side of things who will listen to stories like yours, take them to heart, and commit to putting forth the effort it takes to change our awareness, and thus, our behavior. I hope that enough of us do that so that eventually, the burden of making change doesn't fall do squarely on you. You deserve better.
@LC Sharkey Thank you so much for your kind and uplifting comment. It gives me hope, to know that there are people like you who listen, learn and step up to be an ally. I’m very encouraged that the younger generation is no longer content about the status quote and no longer sucking it up pretending all’s normal. I’m glad there are more conversations around taboo subjects that rattle the patriarchy. There is still a great deal of work, as you said, and sadly, change often arises from the pain and suffering of preceding generations. But I do believe we can create change and break the toxic cycle for a better tomorrow, as when we continue to tell the truth, we win!
The layers are deep. Your writing is so beautiful and illuminated the experience, I imagine, of countless Asian women. Your honesty and vulnerability touched my heart and opened my eyes a bit more to your lived experience.
Sister, I’m so glad you were strong enough to leave that relationship and do what’s been necessary to begin your healing journey.
Your softness and strength are inspiring!
Hi @Deb Blum Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m glad this essay offered you a glimpse of my visceral experience as an Asian women in America. Thank you for being happy for my decision to leave the relationship and begin healing… such painful and tough work. But as I mentioned in a previous essay, grief is a fermentation process, and I’m turning into kimchi :-D
So sorry for the inhumane traumatic experiences you have faced within society. Thank you for sharing the historical context of white sexual imperialism. You are a force to be reckoned with, your ancestors applaud you for giving voice to their suffering🌺
@Sharon Archer Your comment touched me deeply in a most surprising way. It was surprising because I didn’t realize that by speaking up, I was also giving voice to my ancestors. Thank you for your compassion!
Thanks for this piece. As an Asian woman who also had a racist comment lobbed at her recently, this was helpful to read. You’ve framed your experience with a lot of context.
It’s so exhausting to have to explain to people why a seemingly “harmless” remark can be racist at its core 😡. It’s also so exhausting to live under the weight of historical exotification.
@Phayvanh Luekhamhan I’m so sorry to hear that you became the receiver of a racial slur recently. It is indeed exhausting to constantly feel like we have to explain our existence and prove our right to take up space and be treated as a normal human being just like everyone else. While Americans dream to be extraordinary or live an extraordinary life, my dream is to live an ordinary life in which I can just “blend in” and be treated like everyone else — equal. The historical abuse and biases are not helping our present-day existence, much the same way as other people of color carry the burden of the bloody and cruel history of white colonial domination on a land that wasn’t theirs to start with.
There is no room in any relationship, relationship or friendship that deals with any hint of negativity toward ones culture, genetics, or any part of who we are as people.
All blood runs red. If we don’t respect people as human beings, and it doesn’t mean agreeing with them or taking sides, how then can we have respect for ourselves.
Yes, such disrespect that you mentioned cannot be tolerated, yet it permeates our relationships and society. What you said made me think about how I had not fully stepped into self-respect. When I gave up my SELF and stopped listening to my inner voice and intuition, when I was frozen in moments of disrespect and gaslighting, I also allow others to step over me. So I've learned that I must start by respecting all aspects of myself. Then it would become easier to speak up and stop tolerating disrespect.