Overcoming My Water Phobia
The courage and joy of learning how to swim as a 50+ student
Dear Ponders!
Due to a severe case of carpel tunnel syndrome, I’m going to keep this newsletter brief.
After writing about some serious subjects the last few weeks, I’m going to share with you something light and joyful that I experienced over the summer.
Amid the lingering pain from my betrayal trauma, and the heavy workload at work, I did manage to take a bit of time to devote myself to private swim lessons. It was a gift to myself.
At the age of 52, I decided to learn how to swim from scratch. Yes, you heard it right! This was one of the steps I took to gain a life after leaving a cheater.
On Friday, I finished my last lesson. Within 10 lessons, I managed to lose my terrible water phobia, whose origin I recounted in this piece.
My very fit 70-year-old instructor taught me the basics of free style, breast stroke, back stroke and treading. The presence of an older and wiser woman as my teacher had a calming and reasuring effect on me.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. And the water is shallow enough for you to stand,” she repeated these lines in her endearing Brooklyn accent over and over to help me feel safe. She also didn’t rush me to do things I wasn’t ready for. But she would challenge me to go just a little farther than I did before.
Little by little, I noticed how I managed to complete each assignment and gained more confidence.
“I wish I could show you how much better you can swim than before,” she said. “You’re doing really well!”
Her encouragement helped me see my progress and acknowledge my ability. As someone who had a lifelong habit of focusing on what I didn’t manage to do rather than what I did accomplish, this was a refreshing change.
How I wish I had that kind of parent or teacher who held the space for me to try and fail without the expectation to get a perfect score every time I took a test or exam in school. How I wish I had a parent or teacher who acknowledged every little progress I made and showed me, without any qualifier, that they were proud of me!
That qualifier always accompanied the praises I received whenever I made a perfect score or won an award at school: “Don’t be proud. Keep working harder, or else you’ll lose your progress.”
This kind of “encouragement” is very common in the Chinese culture I grew up with. My mom would go as far as belittling my achievements in front of other parents whenever they showered me with praise. “Don’t praise her so high la! She could do better.”
These opposing reactions always confused my young mind. Was the initial pride they showed me genuine? What about their belittlement? Which one should I listen to? Which one could I believe in?
With my swim instructor, I experienced for the first time the kind of emotional safety and sincere encouragement that I craved for when I was a kid. It was OK to not get it right the first time. It was OK to not get it right even after a thousand times. Just keep on trying, trying and trying. She was always there, close enough to catch me when I lost balance in a panic.
Most important of all, she gave me full permission to be proud of my own achievement.
So, without feigning modesty the way my mom did when I was a child, I will now say, “I’m so proud of myself!”
Now I have the goal of competing in the 100th-year-old category for Olypmpics! Well, my instructor’s mom did it — in her county, and it inspired me.
I thanked my instructor for the happiest memories of this summer after I went through a brutal breakup. We chatted a bit about it and it turned out that she’s a fellow “chump”! We bonded wonderfully after our little conversation and I was sad our lessons had to end. But I’m so grateful for her for helping me feel safe with water and teaching me survival skills. When I said goodbye to her, she said, “take care” twice. I know that she understood how hard it was to be chumped.
If you happen to be a teacher for adult students, it doesn’t matter what subject you teach, I want to let you know what an important service you’re providing to those of us who may have missed the opportunity to learn crucial life skills when we were young. Some of us may need the motivation to be more physically active and are scared to take the first step. Or we may simply need an “excuse” to get out of the house and make some human contact.
I’ve had numerous teachers who taught me important skills as an adult, and I am forever grateful to them. I, in turn, have also taught adults (exercise and nutrition), and it gave me so much joy to see my students thrive.
Onto my next learning adventure — the piano!
Let’s chat: Have you ever taught adult students? If so, what did you teach, and how did your students respond to your teaching?
Have you ever been an adult student? What did you learn? How was your teacher like and how was your overall experience?
Please share in the comment section below.
Congratulations and well done!! Such courage, swimming with fear and overcoming it. Inspiring! I hope the carpel tunnel pain resolves, take good care of yourself hon. xo
Congratulations for finishing up the course and swimming happily. It takes a lot of courage and self confidence to go after removing your fear of water. You’re right to be proud of yourself. I am proud of you too.